Controlled Chaos
raw truths and real stories related to motherhood's paradox of loving fiercely and losing sanity
Welcome!
Hi, I’m Kayla! I’m a mom of three sweet toddler tornadoes who have taught me that parenting is one great big oxymoron. My life is controlled chaos, full of contradicting elements, ideas, and thoughts! If you enjoy stories of real moments and raw parenting, then you’re in the right place! Thanks for stopping by!
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(8:00pm, bedtime)
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“MOM! My Butt!”
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...Cue heavy sighs for a never-ending bedtime routine...
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“Mom! My butt can’t sleep!”
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...Cue a trip together to the bathroom...
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“Mom! I’m peeing! And my butts peeing too!”
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...Cue a talk about diarrhea...
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“Mom! My poop has corn! Can I eat my poop?!”
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😑
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Listen, I love my little toddler tornadoes more than life itself but I’m gonna be honest here... sometimes, they’re really gross. Especially these poop-obsessed little boys. 💩 .
Enlighten me, parents. What’s something your kiddos have done recently that left you speechless?
#controlledchaostruths
#momlife
Today, one of motherhood’s biggest blogging media sites picked up my story. I never imagined that my first published article would be one related to pregnancy loss but here we are and you know what? That’s ok… because I want others to know they aren’t alone. Three weeks ago, I woke up to what was supposed to be an ordinary Wednesday morning. It was supposed to be a day spent with family but instead, it was nothing but a monster curveball. That is life though- unpredictable, unexpected, and never guaranteed. We know the curveballs are inevitable but when they’re thrown, whew their blow can feel blindsiding.
Writing and sharing my story has given me the closure I needed with this entire experience. Pouring my heart into a word document has given me the opportunity to connect with and reach others who have felt what I’m feeling. Through writing, I have found compassion and validation and prayers and SO MUCH support. Which is exactly what I’ve needed. So to everyone who has reached out with comments or emails, texts, phone calls, messages, sympathy cards, surprise mail, help with the kids, open ears, evenings out… thank you. I needed to find a way to replace the lonely silence with open support. By sharing my story, I found the support and that came from YOU.
My physical pain has healed which has made the emotional pain more manageable. I’m still fighting the occasional guilt for telling people that I’m ‘doing better’ when sadness is the only emotion I feel like I should be entitled to. Is that irrational? Yes. Do I know it’s not true? Absolutely. Is it real life? Most definitely YES.
Life can be difficult. Loss is hard. Vulnerability can be scary. If you’ve experienced loss and want to talk about it, I’m here. I’m sure my story is different from yours, our details different, our experiences and reactions different… but the pain? I bet the pain is very much the same. I bet the emotions are similar. And I bet we could both benefit from having a talk about it.
Thanks to @scarymommy for sharing my story.
For the full article, check the link in my bio.
#controlledchaostruths
Thirty looks a lot different from twenty and you know what? Weekends with ‘no plans’ are often some of my favorite weekends! Hey, if that makes me wrong, then I don’t wanna be right. 😉🤷🏽♀️😜 .
What about you all?
Do you look forward to the chaos or the quiet more?
Image credit via @scribblesbynicole
#controlledchaostruths
#thirtyandthriving
#weekend
This weeks mantra? Inhale. Exhale.
Art credit via @lovingyoucreative
#controlledchaostruths
#weekdayvibes
Tonight, on the blog, I’m sharing a very personal story. Why am I writing about such a private and traumatic moment? Why do I feel the need to expose the world of social media to such an awful moment in my life?
Because I am a writer and I have a story to be told. Because I am a verbal processor. Because right now, I feel empty and my only coping mechanism involves sitting at my laptop and writing my heartache into a word document. Because I hate to admit that I know there are countless other women who can relate and recall the very same feelings I’m feeling right now. Because I want those women to know that they’re not alone. Because I also want the reassurance that I am not alone. Because my heart aches and my body hurts and I need to talk about it but I don’t have the spoken words. Because the loss and grief are real. Because human creation was at work yet something failed. And because I lost a baby and that painful truth hurts.
1 in 4 women experience loss.
I am now part of the 1 in 4.
To read my story, check out the link in my bio.
#controlledchaostruths
#ectopicpregnancy
Sunday thoughts… .
Some have a hunger to help, so they start volunteering.
Some have a hunger to let go, so they start forgiving.
Some have a hunger to get out of debt, so they start saving.
Some have a hunger to lose weight, so they start exercising.
Some have a hunger to be happier, so they start celebrating.
I have a hunger for all kinds of things (more rest, more patience, more grace), but I am most hungry to inspire… so I write. I write to make you laugh, I write to make you cry, I write to encourage you, to validate you, and hopefully to connect with you. I write to share stories that I hope my kids will someday look back on and remember. I write to capture moments that may otherwise be forgotten. I write because the self-expression of my thoughts and ideas feels therapeutic. I write because I want to and that’s really the best and only reason I need.
What do you have a hunger for? What is driving that ‘need’ you feel in the back of your mind? Whatever THAT is, I hope you go do it. Feed your hunger, guys. You can do anything.
Sunday thoughts.
#controlledchaostruths
#hungrytoinspire
